I’m just really mad about a situation so I’m going to vent here. Sorry.
I’ve had quite a shit family life. Even my parents now can admit this. My mother was an abusive alcoholic (granted only in the last 5 years I lived with her) and before then when she was with my dad they both drank too much, had massive arguments that resulted in glasses being smashed around me, always spent their money on alcohol and takeaways for them and just generally were a bit neglectful. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all bad. Me and my dad listened to the same music and my mum would be the one to calm me down when I had nightmares, but after they split up it just got pretty bad. My mum had a child with another man and because of my mums inability to be a mother I ended up basically raising her whilst I lived with them both. Eventually I got the chance to focus on my education and look after myself, but it meant leaving my sister and mother. Leaving my mother was fine as it wasn’t her, she has become her illness, but leaving my sister broke my heart.
During the time we were apart and my mother was drinking heavily, I would be told I could see my sister so 16 year old me would cancel my plans and sit by the door (ew what a cliche) for hours at a time waiting at just the hope of being able to see my sister. This is why I can’t STAND it when people take their family wanting them in their lives for nothing.
My boyfriends brother has a girlfriend, nothing wrong with that. He moved back to Ireland to move in with her, fair enough that’s his choice. But since then, that’s it he’s been gone.
When I was over in the country for Fathers Day as their parents live there as well, it had been arranged for us all to meet her family and have a BBQ on Father’s Day. My boyfriends grandparents had also come along for the holiday, meaning both my boyfriend and his mum got to spend the day with their fathers. The first time for my future mother in law in YEARS. Her house is a 2 hour drive away from where we all were, so the plan was to go over for midday so about 12 so we could come back in the evening and my boyfriends dad and grandad could both have a drink as obviously it’s Father’s Day you want to do that. The day before we get a text saying her family want to go golfing or something so we can’t go over till 3. Bare in mind thus was a 2 hour drive away with no traffic. Even if we went for 3 and left after 2 hours at 5 we would hit rush hour traffic and it would take us about 3 hours to get home. Making it a 5 hour round trip for a 2 hour visit, and after this amount of driving and it being 8 hypothetically by the time we would get back, neither my boyfriends dad or grandad will have gotten to have celebrated Father’s Day with their children? Rightfully, we asked if they could not go earlier or go another day as this had been planned for weeks. They said no. My boyfriends mum begged and pleaded with her son, wanting to spend the day with both him and her dad and other two sons but he wouldn’t have it. He basically told her she was being selfish??? I was just there like wtf. In the end we didn’t go, his mum was heartbroken and it out a dampener on the holiday for everyone. Whatever. I wasn’t that fussed on going anyway.
Fast forward. Now my boyfriends brothers girlfriends parents live in London like us, so after they told us that in fact they on,y lived ROADS away from us we said it would be nice to see them when they were over and they agreed. They come over. My boyfriend texts his brother to ask what the plan is. Radio silence. He messages his brothers girlfriend. She also reads the message and doesn’t respond. My boyfriend had booked the time off work so he could see his brother and they couldn’t even reply to a message to say the plan had changed and there was no time for it? At this point I’m starting to get mad. I would do anything to see my sister, even stay with my mother who would ABUSE me and take whole days just for the chance of an idea to see her. I didn’t understand how someone could have family willing to see them and them take it for granted???!
My boyfriends a very laid back person. This didn’t bother him too much and he still messaged his brother frequently saying he should come over as we regularly find return flights for £20 and we offer to let him stay at ours so that’s all he’d need to pay. Now he’s been told repeatedly he can’t as they have animals to look after (fair enough) and he’s skint (fair but it’s only 3 hours wages for a holiday) but as I am going through Facebook tonight what do I see? Oh yes, Mr and Mrs Too Skint to Holiday and Unable to leave the Animals have booked to go to PARIS and DISNEYLAND?! This made me lose it. But I did not show it. I simply commented saying I hoped the changeover would be in London as my boyfriend didn’t get to see his brother last time they were here, and I also put that I was excited to see them both. And the girlfriend writes me a reply saying I’m being immature???? I replied “I’m not sure how saying we’d be excited to see you is immature hahah” and next thing I know is she’s sending me shitty messages now?? Saying I’m out of line?? The NERVE of it.
I’m not sure what the point in this rant is. I guess I’m just sad. I’ve always had to fight to be in my families lives so I don’t get how some people don’t care to try and be in theirs. If you have family who love you despite the way you treat them, who still want to make an effort with you, don’t take it for granted. You never know when that chance will be gone and you’ll be regretting it.
***** side note my mum is in recovery as an alcoholic so I finally have her and my sister back in my life after a long time of no contact. So it’s not ALL bad my end*****